Loading

Understanding Love . Blog . Books . Articles . Counselling . Workshops . Contact Us . Useful Websites . Privacy

Can't find what you are looking for? Try the site search





 

Legal Notice - Medical Advice
All advice in this website is given in good faith and no responsibility can be accepted by the website owners for issues or problems that occur as a consequence of using the website content. If you have any concerns about your psychological health you are advised to contact a doctor or other suitably qualified medical/psychiatric practioner.

This site is based on the principles of The Psychology of Vision. Please note that the content of the site is not endorsed by the organisation, and they cannot be held responsible for the content

© P.J.Granger 2012

 

 

 

iloveyouloveme.com
...helping you find true love and happiness through your relationships

How To Find Love, (or How to Find a Boyfriend or Girlfriend)

I have been looking at the most searched romantic words on Google. One of the biggest is the word Dating or How To Find Love , with over twenty million searches per month. One million people are searching specifically using the word love. This suggests that there are a lot of people out there who are looking for a boyfriend or girlfirend. That is why, in this article, I would like to focus on how to bring a partner into your life and start a successful relationship. If you are in a relationship already, some of these ideas will still be useful, but if they are not directly relevant, I would be grateful if you would pass this article on to your single friends.

Having spent quite a few years of my earlier life as a single person, I know what it feels like to desperately want a partner, but to be unable to meet anybody or to take a relationship beyond the friendship stage. At the time I would be attracted to women, and they would like me, but they never wanted to be my girlfriend. Unfortunately I concluded that I was unattractive and unloveable, and this made me even more self-conscious and lacking in confidence – it became a vicious circle. At times I thought that I would never meet anybody and yet I knew I had so much love to give and receive. I guess this kept my spirits up until I discovered the real reason I was single.

I wasn’t on my own because I was unattractive, badly dressed or unloveable – I was on my own because deep down in my subconscious mind, that was how I wanted to be. I came to this astonishing conclusion after several years of self-development work, which involved looking at my self-beliefs. Central to this was the belief that I would be happier on my own, or more accurately, being single would protect me from the emotional pain that I knew subconsciously would rise to the surface in an intimate relationship. This pain was coming from a belief that love is a source of pain, and the fear that if I allowed myself to love somebody fully, I could not stand the pain of any subsequent rejection, or of losing them. But in getting down to this fundamental fear around love I discovered another highly destructive layer of negative emotion that was making it impossible to find a partner and form a relationship.

As I looked within at my self-beliefs I began to realise that I was full of guilt. This had started in my childhood around not being able to help my parents with their own life challenges but had grown into a general sense of unworthiness. Although I was outwardly successful at school, college and work, inside I was carrying around a feeling of being bad. When it came to romance and dating this was a disaster because the guilt made me feel terribly self-conscious and shy and meant that I was afraid of getting into a relationship in case my partner saw my faults. Ironically, I did eventually find a partner who became my wife, but my lack of self-worth meant that I was not emotionally available to her and she eventually left me. I then had to face the rejection that I so feared and the agony of losing love.

Of course, the love was never lost, because love isn’t like that. Love is always present because it connects us all, and it was coming to this understanding that allowed me to move my life forward and start healing my negative self-beliefs and sense of unworthiness. If you are single and long to find a partner, ask yourself the questions I asked myself. “Why would you not want to be in a long-term, committed relationship?” – “What benefits do you receive by remaining single and independent?” Go beneath the obvious conscious desire for a boyfriend or girlfriend and find out what it is in your past that has made you believe that you do not deserve a relationship, or it you did get into one, that it would result in emotional suffering. Somewhere in your past you will find an incident or period where you turned away from self-love and acceptance and decided that it was too risky to get yourself into an intimate, healing relationship.

As you become aware of any negative self-beliefs like guilt and inadequacy that you are holding, you will be able to make new choices about yourself and the way that you understand love. This will help you to grow your self-esteem, which is the key to attracting a partner and having a successful relationship. This was exactly the process I went through in my own healing (which is still ongoing of course!). As part of the awareness I gained, I also discovered another amazing thing. Although I was holding myself back from a relationship because I felt guilty and unworthy of love, this was not the most fundamental issue. As I stripped away the guilt and healed it, I found that I was afraid of my capacity for love – afraid of just how big my heart was. This deeper fear seems crazy, but I know that it created all my other negative self-beliefs.

So, ask yourself one final question, if your are single (or if love is lacking in any way in your relationship) - “ Am I afraid of my loving heart – am I defending it? If you sense that you are, you can heal any guilt, inadequacy and unworthiness very easily. Simply embrace your gift of wholeheartedness and open it as fully as you can, and as often as you can. This will reveal the real, loving you, and there is nothing more attractive than somebody with an open, undefended heart. If you can do this, it will bring a true partner into your life. Your open heart will then keep it on a healing path. Thankfully this was my own experience of healing guilt and re-opening my heart, having defended and closed it down for some many years. It is possible to find love and bring a boyfriend or girlfriend into your life - keep faith and trust this process!

If you have found this article useful, you will find
much more information in my books.


Please feel free to share this with anybody you know, who might find it useful
Sharing and Privacy

 

 
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


 

 


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 





These articles are based on my self-help books that are full of practical tips about how to bring more love, passion and joy to your relationship


'Bringing Back The Love'
How to fall in love all over again!

LOOK INSIDE! at

Amazon USA

Amazon UK


(also available on your
local Amazon site)

 

 

Everything you need to know about men, emotions and love

 

Heartbond

Our new app that lets you literally feel the love as you connect heart-to-heart with somebody you love

Be one of the first to experience this amazing Android app
(more information)

link takes you to our
new website heartbond.co.uk

Android is a trademark
of Google LLC

 

This site uses cookies - check our policy above. If you use the site we will assume you are a appy with it

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 



 

 

 


 

 

 


 



How to Rebuild Trust in a Relationship

Unconditional Love

Men, Emotions and Relationships

How to Have The Life You Want
- The Art of Receiving

How to Let Go of Somebody
from the Past

Save my Marriage or Relationship

Spirituality, Love & Relationships

How Neediness Damages Relationships

Love - Turning Everything We Know About It On Its Head

Why Relationships Become Boring
and How to Spice them Up!

Making Love - Bringing the Physical, Emotional and Spiritual Aspects of a Relationship Together

Cheating, Affairs & Infidelity

Sadness - How To Overcome It

How to Avoid Arguments & Rows in a Relationship

Living a Carefree Life of Ease

Surving a Recession - How to bring Abundance to your Relationship & Life

Unrequited Love - Its Origins & How
To Move On From It

Bad Choices - Why we sometimes
choose a partner who is bad for us

The Art of Manifesting - Choosing
the Life & Relationship You Want

Love Sickness - It's Causes
& It's Remedies

8 Steps to Save Your Relationship

Why We Are Afraid of Love

How to Become Irresistible to your Partner

Save Your Marriage or Relationship

Is it possible to love more than one
person at the same time?

Letting Go of Envy & Jealousy

Marriage, Commitment & Love

True Giving

Small Acts of Kindness

Why it is impossible to be independent and have a successful relationship

What is Your True Purpose in Life and How This Affects Your Relationship

How Your Unconscious Mind Can
Rule Your Relationship & Your Life

The Things We Don't Tell Our Partner...

How To Heal A Broken Heart

How to Find Love (a Partner)

Emotional Attachment

How can I change my partner's behaviour?

Dealing With Rejection

 

Free Online Relationship Coaching
Share
with friends