I suppose that at some point in our lives we have all experienced love sickness – that strange feeling inside when we have fallen in love and begin to lose the plot! We may go off our food, become dreamy and unfocussed and cut ourselves off from our family and friends. Although the feelings of love are usually very positive, it can also be a time when we also feel an anxiety and neediness. It can feel as if we are losing our hold on reality and have become hopelessly dependent on another person. It is this mixture of feelings that I want to focus on in this month’s article
Neuro-scientists tell us that the chemicals that flow in our brains and the areas that light up when we fall in love are no different from those when people become mentally ill. This has led some to suggest that the process of falling in love is a human weakness and something that we shouldn’t take too seriously. I don’t go along with this idea, but I do recognise that something very powerful happens when we fall in love – our whole state of consciousness shifts to a higher plane.
When we fall in love we surrender to the power of love that exists within all of us. For those with a more spiritual view of life, when we fall in love we allow ourselves to connect to the love that is the fabric of the Universe – it connects us with everybody and everything. We can choose to embrace the love, which is what happens when we fall in love. It is therefore not surprising that with this much love available to us that we feel a little woozy! The euphoric feelings of falling in love create a state of mental disturbance and everything we have been used to in the past is suddenly tuned on its head. Love sickness can therefore be understood as our attempts to embrace huge amounts of love – given and received.
To fall in love is a wonderful experience and one that is best savoured and celebrated, but there is a side to it that we must be aware of, if we are not to hurt ourselves in our romantic relationships. When we enter a new relationship we have a number of emotional needs, central of which will usually be the ‘need for love’. It is this that makes us dependent on our partner. Although in the early phases of falling in love there is plenty of love to counteract our neediness, this will become a problem later in the relationship if we do not actively work to heal our insecurities and needs. It is our underlying needs that bring up anxiety in the early phases of a relationship – will they stay with me? Am I attractive enough?, Why haven’t they rung? In a state of love sickness we may lurch from feelings of loving euphoria to deep fear. This roller-coaster is typical of most new relationships and de-rails many a good potential partnership.
If you find yourself suffering love sickness and yet also have times of uncertainty, the trick is to recognise your own emotional needs within the relationship and ask yourself how dependent you are on your partner. They will also be feeling the same thing, even if this is held unconsciously. During the ‘falling in love’ process, because both of your hearts are so open, you have the best opportunity to communicate with each other in an honest way about your needs, and this will bring them to the surface for healing. With so much love around, this is a relatively easy thing to do as it will cut through and dissolve fear. Just make sure that you own your own fears and needs and show compassion to your partner about the things that frighten you within the relationship. Starting a relationship with this emotionally mature communication sets a positive pattern that will be come the foundation of a healing partnership.
So love sickness is nothing to be afraid of – it shows that you have opened yourself up to the love that is your true essence. You were born to love and be loved and the sickness is simply a response to this powerful realisation of your true self. Don’t fight the love - embrace it as best you can, and use it to give you the inspiration to communicate and connect with your partner in ways that allow you to mutually let go of any insecurities and fears that you may have picked up earlier in your life.
If you have found this article useful, you will find
much more help in my book, "Bringing Back The Love".
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