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The Art of Manifesting - Choosing the
Life & Relationship You Want

This month I would like to focus on the subject of manifesting – which is really a fancy word for choosing or creating the experiences we want in life. As always we can look at this from a psychological or a spiritual angle, and I will do both in this article. The idea of manifesting is not new and it has recently become popular with books about Cosmic Ordering and “The Secret”. They essentially all say the same thing – that we can determine what happens to us in life and if we choose it, we can have a happy, rather than a miserable life. In the context of a relationship, it would suggest that we can influence its course in any direction that we choose.

This seems a crazy idea – after all, aren’t we at the mercy of circumstances and the people around us? If we feel dependent on situations and people we certainly will feel controlled by them, but this need not be the case. If we can let go of our dependence and regain true control of our hearts and minds, then we can indeed make things better for ourselves. Let’s start by considering a psychological approach to manifesting…

Think about your own experiences in your various relationships, personally and at work. You know that if you are aggressive with somebody, the chances are that they will respond to you with aggression. On the other hand if you are pleasant and loving, they respond in similar ways. In a relationship we ‘reap what we sow’. Despite knowing this, we may still find ourselves reacting in ways that are unhelpful to our relationships. This whole area of psychology is called projection. In a purely psychological sense, another person will tend to mirror our own thoughts, feelings and behaviours, both positively and negatively. If we react negatively to somebody, this tends to trigger their own hidden fear, pain and guilt and they then react to try to suppress these unpleasant feelings. In doing so they will then exhibit their own negative behaviours unless they have sufficient emotional intelligence to realize that we are in pain and need help and forgiveness.

Often our negative projections are happening subconsciously and we are then surprised at the response of the people around us. If you want to know what is going on in your subconscious mind, just look at how people are behaving towards you. It might not be very pretty but that is what you are unknowingly projecting. Therefore to manifest a better relationship you need to pull off these negative projections (by becoming aware of them) and to replace them with positive thoughts and feelings. If you can do this successfully and from the heart, you will be guaranteed an improvement in the relationship.

We can also look at manifesting in a more spiritual way. Many spiritual paths are based on the idea of Oneness – that, at the most fundamental level of the Universe, everything is connected at a higher state of consciousness. It says that we are all effectively one person. In other words, your partner is not separate from you, but is part of your mind! Not only does this explain why our projections are so powerful but it also shows why changing our mind is the only way to change the mind of the people around us. The ‘connective tissue’ of Oneness is love and this implies that we are all representations of love in various physical forms. If love is our true reality, then we can understand fear and negativity as a barrier to this love and something that WE create. In other words, all good things are continually available to us, if only we can remove the barriers that we have set up to stop them.

This is an extraordinary idea, but one that will release you to have the life that you were designed to have – one full of love, joy and peace, and one that is full of wonderful relationships. To remove the barriers that you have set up, you will need to look at your life experiences and understand how that these influenced your self-beliefs and self-esteem. Once you have identified why you might not believe you deserve to be happy and truly successful in your relationships and life, you can let go of any fear and guilt that you have been storing in your mind. As you do this, think of how you would like your relationships and life to be and then trust that this will happen. This last piece is essential for you to succeed in manifesting because paradoxically you must let go of the need to have the outcome you desire!

I have just finished writing a book that describes the barriers that we erect to successful relationships and the ways that we can go about removing them. It also focuses in more detail on manifesting. It is called How To Love a Man, and is written primarily for women (I am working on the next version to show men how best to love the women in their lives!). To find out more about this e-book, click this link

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