– What it Teaches us about our Romantic Relationships
In these difficult economic times I thought I would reflect in this article about the psychological process that underlies the current problems of the financial crisis and how we can reverse the negativity to bring more abundance to our lives using emotional intelligence.
The underlying psychology of the credit crunch and the resulting recession is fear. We have also seen a lot of greed and self-interest and, at times, a total lack of integrity. This eco-centric behaviour is a direct result of feelings of fear, inadequacy, resentment and guilt, held deeply in our individual and collective subconscious mind. These feelings come from a fundamental belief in scarcity – which is a belief that there is not enough of the things we need to be happy, to go round. It is the core issue that drives competition. Although this is currently focused on money, scarcity can always be traced back to a belief that we lack love.
The belief that love is in short supply stems from our earliest traumas and heartbreaks in our original families, when we turn away from our loving essence. For those of you with a spiritual belief, you might like to think of the time that we first lose our spiritual or divine connection – what is sometimes called the ‘fall from grace’. Before the fall we are abundant in love and afterwards we feel lacking and then spend the rest of our lives trying to find somebody to love us, because we don’t really love ourselves. When this fails we turn to money, possessions or power to replace these feeling of love.
It is our belief in scarcity that drives all our needs and creates a whole range of negative behaviours as we try to get them met. Many of us hate this feeling of lack so much that we will pretend it doesn’t exist and become emotionally dissociated – this is what is called independence in the Psychology of Vision model that I use in my coaching. This independence tries to bring happiness through everything but close, loving relationships, but this strategy is always doomed to failure because material things cannot nourish or sustain us in the same way as love. Such is the pain of scarcity that people will go to unbelievable lengths to compensate for their feelings of loss, including the eye-watering greed and lack of integrity that we have witnessed recently in many professional people.
So what is the way forward for us individually, in our relationships and in society? Clearly the answer is to bring back the love and feelings of abundance. We must all identify where our own belief in the scarcity of love came from originally and recognise that this was a terrible mistake. We are all abundant in love and it is only our reluctance to embrace this that holds us back. Consider how abundant (or lacking!) in love you feel in your relationships. Are you waiting for somebody else, perhaps your partner to give you the love that you feel that you lack? He or she can never do this because true love comes from within. As soon as we start living this reality, the quicker abundance will appear in our lives. It may seem paradoxical to feel abundant in order to bring more abundance into our lives, but that is exactly how it works!
It seems that everybody is waiting for governments and institutions to dig us out of the recession and the financial crisis, but the truth is that each of us could make our own contribution to a more abundant world, not just at the material level, but at the emotional and spiritual as well. Abundance is as far away as the person who is next to us – if only we can feel the love that lies within, pour it on this person and be willing to receive their love in return, then abundance will be our shared experience. Once we have spiritual and emotional intelligence, the material abundance would naturally follow. If all of us did this today and moved to a place of true partnership based on love, we would see the recession evaporate before our eyes.
If you have found this article useful, you will find
much more information in my books.
Please feel free to share this with anybody you know, who might find it useful
Sharing and Privacy