In this month’s article I would like to look at what it means to give truly in life and in our relationships. To be able to give from the heart without any pre-conditions is the most powerful way to create a successful relationship and it brings both us and the person receiving our gift huge amounts of joy. The problem is that it is incredibly hard to achieve this type of giving on a regular basis. It is this challenge I will focus on.

In life there are many times when we are called on to give and the giving may be of a material, emotional or spiritual nature. The giving may be a spontaneous act of generosity or in response to a call for help. Most of us want to give to the people around us, but sometimes we find it difficult to do this truly because the giving triggers a painful feeling inside. This feeling is one of losing something. It is this triggering of our sense of scarcity that causes the problems.

If we believe we have plenty of something then it is not a problem to give away part of what we have, but if we believe we are short of something we begin to fear that our giving will leave us lacking. This is easy to understand in terms of material shortages, but it also applies to love. If we feel personally lacking in love, then we will be reluctant to give to the people around us in case we run out. Of course the opposite is true and if we feel abundant in love we will be only too glad to give some of it away.

A belief that we are lacking in love comes from a misunderstanding about its true nature. If we think of love as an emotion we will believe that it can come and go – that it is in limited supply. If however we think of it as a state of consciousness, then it can never run out. If we know that feelings of love arise when we know that we are connected through our psychological as well as our spiritual connections then it becomes an infinite resource. With such a belief we will happily give any amount of love.

A belief that love is limited emotion is a learnt response that come from heartbreaks and trauma, usually early in life. The way to a happy and successful relationship based on giving is to heal these heartbreaks and remind ourselves that we are all abundant in love. Paradoxically the process of giving makes us feel even more abundant in love, so we then feel like giving a bit more! At the same time the person who we are giving to feels the love and is reminded of their own abundance, so they start giving back to us.

This positive cycle is self-reinforcing and will rapidly heal any relationship problem. The trick is simply to start giving. This means to give for the sheer joy of giving without needing anything in return. If you can do this you will immediately feel happier and you will immediately receive love back from your partner. Give it a go – you may be amazed at how well it works!

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much more information in my books.

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