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"There is no dependence that we can be sure of, but a dependence upon one's self"

John Gay







You and your partner both rely on each other heavily and cannot function well without each other.

You support and placate your partner even though they behave badly and in a hurtful way (possibly including violence).

You feel that your relationship has little to offer in terms of love and connection, but you are afraid to bring the issues to a head, or to end the relationship.

As the name suggests, codependence occurs when both partners are dependent on each other. If you think you are in such a relationship, both you and your partner have a belief that you are lacking in love and therefore need to obtain it from the other person.

Of course, with such a belief, neither of you can adequately give love to the other person. This is why you might end up in many power struggles, or decide to withdraw from each other emotionally, therefore compromising the quality of your relationship.

It is not uncommon for violence and abusive behaviour to appear in codependent relationships because both partners allow the behaviour to continue, due to a fear of rejection or being left alone. More information on violence and abuse.

To heal codependence one, or ideally both of you will need to work on healing your needs, thus ending your dependence on each other.


Here are three things you can do if you would like to break out of being codependent:

1. The first thing is to recognise that you and your partner are codependent. Become aware of the times you are limiting yourself or acting from a place of sacrifice. If you placate your partner, apologise for them, or could not imagine being able to survive without them, then you are probably codependent.

2. Your dependence on each other hides your gift of self-reliance - your ability to find the love within yourself that you are depending on your partner to give you. It is time to let go of your negative self-beliefs and embrace your sense of self-love and self-acceptance.

3. Talk to your partner sensitively about your codependence and how it makes you feel. Find out how they feel about their own dependence as well as your dependence on them. Begin to heal your dependency together by inspiring each other to find self-love. Connect in a more open and trusting way with each other, but retain your individual uniqueness.


Need More Help?....
My book Bringing Back The Love describes the origins of dependence and how this damages a relationship. It then shows you how to escape this issue if it is damaging your relationship.


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