Possible Issues

- Your partner can be aggressive or violent

- When you are angry you become aggressive or violent

- You can feel frightened in your relationship but still have great love for your partner and want to help them

The Cause

Aggression and violence comes out of an inability to cope with the emotions that are triggered by the intimacy of relationships. Such behaviour is an indication that the perpetrator has hidden away severe levels of emotional trauma and has low self-esteem. While these issues remain under control for some of the time, they erupt at times of stress and relationship difficulties. Although unacceptable, this behaviour is in fact a call for help - a call for love.

Partners in such situations often have conflicting feelings - they obviously do not like the aggression but they often return to their partner - unfortunately the cycle can repeat itself because both the partners have become co-dependent. In these situations both partners are playing out their needs and insecurities, albeit in very different ways.

The Way Through

If you are suffering domestic violence, for your own safety, it is essential that you seek help and support . Seeking help will be the kindest thing you can do for your partner as the cycle of violence must be broken before healing can take place.

As violent behaviour is a call for love, it is appropriate to express your love and support for somebody but you must not confuse this with the neediness of dependence. Although you will not be aware of them, your unmet emotional needs and the behaviours that come out of them, can easily trigger your partners bad behaviour - the best thing you can do is work on your own insecurities and fears and support your partner as they work on their's - as healing occurs, you will both be in a position to reassess your relationship.

Legal Notice - Medical Advice

All advice in this website is given in good faith and no responsibility can be accepted by the website owners for issues or problems that occur as a consequence of using the website content. If you have any concerns about your psychological health you are advised to contact a doctor other suitably qualified medical/psychiatric practioner.

© P.J.Granger 2007

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