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angry man rage
...helping you find true love and happiness through your relationships




"Anger is a brief madness."







Anger & Rage

Your partner is often angry with you.

You become angry yourself when things get difficult.

The anger can sometimes turn to rage.

You feel afraid when there is anger and conflict.

You or your partner use anger to make your point and control situations.


Anger Management techniques can be effective in a relationship, but there is something critical to learn for this to be a success. Anger is a 'cover emotion' - it always hides a deeper level of emotional pain that we are unwilling to feel or express. It often hides sadness, which in turn hides guilt and fear. If you or your partner become angry, it means that something has not turned out the way you wanted, or your partner is not behaving in the way you want. Fundamentally, one of your needs is not being met.

The anger comes from a feeling of being out of control. The situation or behaviour that you are witnessing is a reminder of similar situations in the past when you also felt out of control (because your needs were not met then) - this is why some things will infuriate you, while other things will pass you by.

Rage is an extreme form of anger where we lose a sense of ourselves and try to force our will onto the people around us. It is blind because it comes from the deepest, hidden parts of our mind, where we have stored away deep hurt, resentment and our primordial fears.


Here are three ways you can help your partner to let go of their anger (or use the same techniques to work on your own anger issues):

1. If you find that your partner's anger triggers your anger, recognise that this is part of a power struggle - you are both trying to have your needs met. Remember that somebody who is angry is hurting inside. Consciously refuse to fight, and (difficult as it is!) show them empathy and compassion. This will defuse the anger and allow you to help your partner.

2. If your partner is getting angry rather than feeling their pain, what might be at the root of this? What aspect of their past life could have left them with difficult feelings that they would rather not experience? Help them understand and heal these.

3. All relationships will have moments of anger, but these incidents can be turned to your advantage if you can use them to build a better partnership. Once any anger has subsided, always talk to each other about why you felt as you did and work with each other to heal the underlying issues and insecurities.

There are many Anger Management courses available if you (or your partner) would like to work in a group to understand and let anger go - find one that is local to you.

The Power Struggle and the anger that comes with it is an evolutionary stage that happens in most relationships. My book Bringing Back The Love describes this stage in detail and will show you how to move through it so you can create a truly loving and healing partnership.


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