Arguments and Rows

Possible Issues

- You and your partner often find yourself arguing

- You never seem to agree about anything

- Rows can erupt even over the most trivial of things

The Cause

Arguments and rows are indications of a high level of competition in a relationship. We will compete to get our own way and maintain control over the other person. We just cannot stand the feeling of being wrong, so we make sure we are right by arguing our case - if this fails we may become angry and if both partners are doing this, a row results.

The need to win through competition in a relationship shows that there are emotional issues on both sides that have not been dealt with - instead of dealing with these, couples create a fight as a way of avoiding the painful feelings that they unconsciously feel will be raised by focusing on the real issues.

Arguments and rows will eventually destroy a relationship or rob it of its joy. It is not uncommon for us to engineer these rows as a convenient way of leaving the relationship rather than facing our inner fears.

The Way Through

If you are having arguments and rows with your partner, it shows that you need to deal with a pressing emotional issue that you are both hiding unconsciously. You will not be doing this deliberately. The trick is for one of you to choose to stop the fighting and to begin the communication about your feelings. This might be more appropriate when the heat has died down, but try to become aware of why you reacted as you did - perhaps the argument reminded you of an unpleasant situation in your past. If you can be honest about your feelings and desire to compete then your partner is likely to do the same. In this way, these unpleasant incidents can become the springboard to greater understanding and a strengthened relationship.

Legal Notice - Medical Advice

All advice in this website is given in good faith and no responsibility can be accepted by the website owners for issues or problems that occur as a consequence of using the website content. If you have any concerns about your psychological health you are advised to contact a doctor other suitably qualified medical/psychiatric practioner.

© P.J.Granger 2007

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