Bereavement and Loss

Possible Issues

- You or your partner have recently been bereaved and are having difficulty moving on with your life

- You feel so much grief and loss for somebody and just can't let those feeling go

- You worry about the passing of time, growing old and death

- You fear that you could not cope if there was a tragedy close to you

The Cause

At some point in life we must all face our own mortality and that of our loved ones. For much of our lives we can distract ourselves with day-to-day challenges and pleasures, but it is often the death of somebody close that causes us to reflect on mortality and the human condition. The feeling of grief for the loss of somebody we love can take us to our knees and paralyse us.

The inevitability of death is something we must all come to terms with. Porblems with bereavement occur when we have become dependent on sombody - when we believe that our own life cannot go on without the person we have lost.This dependence begins long before the moment of loss in a realtionship. It causes great damage as one partner withdraws into their own thoughts and feelings and disconnects from the very person that could help them. It means that the important issues such as mortality and loss are never mentioned in the relationship and yet the fears are ever present in the subconscious mind.

The fear of tragedy is the fear that we would not be able to control our emotions and stand the pain of loss if something terrible were to happen. In extreme cases it results in people becoming terrified for their loved ones and attempts at preventing them leading their lives for fear that they will be at risk.

The Way Through

Paradoxically, coming to terms with death, one of our greatest fears, is thought by many psychologists to be the key to a happy life. Given the enormity of this challenge, it is not surprising that many people turn to spirtiuality and religion for meaning and support on this issue.

If you are worrying about death or feel unable to carry on your life fully since a bereavement, it may be that you have some unfinished business with your loved ones. Any guilt we are harbouring will come to the surface if we lose somebody and this is what stops us moving on. Commit to identify, forgive and let-go of the guilt in any situation that remains unresolved from your past. Nothing can bring back our loved ones after death, but your love for them and their feelings of love for you carry on forever. Even though you long to be with somebody physically, you can feel the love and sense of connection just as strongly now. Connect with them and if necessary complete any unfinished business - you may need to say the words and feel the feelings that you were unable to do in life. In this way you will be able to let them go and yet maintain their loving presence in your life.

Love is the only thing that has the power to take away the pain of loss and our own fears around death.

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