How to Love A Man E-Book

Sample - Introductory Section

About this book

This is a book about one of the greatest challenges a woman will ever face - finding true and lasting love with a man. It is written for women who love men and want to share their lives with them, but feel that they have been let down, disappointed or betrayed by them. It is also written for women who would simply like to understand men better so that they can improve their relationships. I want to explain why men can drive you to distraction and why we often struggle to love and be loved. Once you understand us better, I will show you how to build a relationship that is full of love, joy and wonderful sex – a relationship that has great physical, emotional and spiritual connection and grows ever stronger with time.

Unfortunately this type of relationship is rare. Nearly every woman I meet in my work as a relationship coach has a story about lost love, heartbreak and disappointment. They speak of how distant their men are, how disengaged they are from the family or how they bury themselves in their work. Many of these relationships only survive through compromise or convenience. Do you recognise any of this?

I’m sure it wasn’t always this way. At the start of your relationship I would imagine that you were full of hope for the future. You probably had a dream of discovering true love with a man and spending the rest of your life with him. Perhaps you found a man and fell in love, but then something began to go wrong. Did the feelings of love fade or disappear altogether? It can seem that the man you loved has changed forever and that the distance between you can never be bridged.

It is true that after the early romantic phases of a relationship, men are not always easy to love. We can struggle with commitment, hide from our emotions and distract ourselves through work. We may become distant, irritable and emotionally unavailable. We may even stray. For many women these are huge disappointments and our withdrawal stops the two-way flow of love that is essential for a good relationship. Eventually the relationship will fail in conflict or move into the deadness of two people cohabiting, but living separate lives.

Sadly, this scenario is being played out in millions of relationships around the world, leaving a trail of human misery and suffering for this generation and the next. The divorce statistics speak for themselves. If you are in such a relationship you may want to leave because you feel that your situation is hopeless, and while for some this is the right decision, for many others it would be a mistake. Your partner hasn’t changed – he is still the guy you fell in love with and the same guy who fell in love with you. With a little understanding and a willingness to deal with the issues that have created your problems, it is possible to rekindle and sustain the powerful feelings of love that you had when you first met.

Relationships fail because we are unable to deal with the deep-seated fears and insecurities that inevitably rise to the surface when two people intimately share their lives. Far from being fatal flaws, I will show you that by looking at your relationship problems in a new light, you will discover what it is that prevents you from becoming really close to your partner. As you heal these insecurities and help your partner to do the same, you will build a relationship that is full of love and connection.

A great deal has been written about romance and love from a woman’s point of view but virtually nothing exists from the male side. There is a very good reason for this. We don’t want you to know what we are feeling! This isn’t because we want to protect our privacy, or that such things don’t matter to us, it’s because we a terrified of revealing our innermost fears and insecurities. In fact, a lot of the time we are so out of touch with these feelings that we are completely unaware that we have them. This denial of our true feelings means that few men are able to express themselves adequately in the area of emotions or to communicate their innermost feelings to the women in their life. It is hardly surprising that women do not understand us. It is this lack of awareness that I would like to address in this book. It is time to let you into the secret of what your man is really thinking and feeling.

To understand why men hide from their emotions and withdraw when the going gets tough, I will take you beneath the surface veneer of these behaviours so that we can explore the deeper levels of human consciousness – a level at which we discover fundamental emotional and spiritual needs that are shared by men and women. I believe that we can only find sustained happiness in our relationships by recognising our common needs and understanding how these may be played out differently between the sexes. I shall be explaining how our needs create our beliefs and attitudes and how in-turn these are manifested in a wide variety of behaviours, both positive and negative. This understanding is the key to successful relationships.

I will show that most of the problems that we see in the world today can be traced back to unmet masculine needs and their attempts to suppress the emotional pain that these create. The unmet needs are a direct consequence of our misunderstandings about the true nature of love and relationships. I will redefine love in a way that will probably turn everything you know about it on its head. Some of what I will tell you may challenge you deeply and some of it may even shock you. It will certainly ruffle a few male feathers. Such is the extent of the denial of male emotions that to begin to reveal them is usually met with disbelief, ridicule and even anger. I will explain why we protect ourselves from our own truths, even to the point that we damage our lives and the lives of the people around us.

A small number of men become aware of the way that they have emotionally separated from their partners and begin the process that brings the relationship back together. Unfortunately most of us need a bit more help with our emotions, and this is where women come into their own. You are generally more in touch with your emotions. Your natural nurturing skills, which are full of compassion and empathy, are exactly what is needed to help a man to reconnect with his emotions. I will explain how this can allow you to become the leader in your relationship, not in a way that tries to control, but in a way that responds to your partner’s fear and allows him to let go of the self-beliefs that keep him emotionally unavailable. We love women who understand us and touch our hearts and you now have an opportunity to do that with your boyfriend or husband. I will show you that no matter how negative his behaviour may seem to be at the moment, the wonderful man you first fell in love with, is waiting to be rediscovered.

You will be amazed at how quickly you can help your partner become more emotionally expressive, begin his own healing and enhance your relationship. One of the most wonderful rewards of this type of personal development is that those often distant memories of falling in love and the wonderful sensations that go with it, can quickly return to the relationship. In fact, those ‘honeymoon feelings’ can get stronger and stronger and become ever more fulfilling, provided that you learn to recognise the danger signs and have the courage to address any emotional pain that appears. I will be showing you how to spot these signs and handle the fear that rises up for healing in any healthy relationship. If you are currently single I will show you how these ideas can help you find a true partner and then how you can extend your ‘honeymoon’ throughout a long-term relationship.

My intention in writing this book is to bring the sexes together in the spirit of love and partnership. I do not want to blame men for all the problems and equally I do not want to put allthe onus on women to save and improve their relationships. In a successful relationship both parties work together. Nevertheless, there are times when one of the partners is in a better position to lead the healing than the other. Surprisingly, I will show that just one person in a relationship has the power to transform it. It was Gandhi who said, “Be the change you would like to see in the world”. What he meant was that we cannot change anybody else, but we can effect change in our world by being willing to change ourselves. I will show you how to gain self-awareness and how this is the basis for transforming the quality of your relationship. Although women are often better placed emotionally to lead the healing in a relationship, this need not be exclusive. I hope that the book will be picked up and read by more enlightened men who are trying to improve their relationships and searching for meaning in their lives. If you are such a male reader then I hope that my words will give you inspiration and direction in your own healing.

When we focus on our own accountability and seek personal change we will inevitably have to look within. The process of self-discovery I will take you through may trigger some quite difficult thoughts and feelings. Please don’t be alarmed by this – it is a sign that you are on track! Try to feel into your emotions and trust the healing process. Emotional pain is simply a sign that we need a change of mind and a change of heart. There may be times when you want to stop reading or even throw the book in the bin, but try to resist this temptation. When I first went through this process I too found it challenging, but I am so grateful that I persevered. I promise you that finding the courage and willingness to own and heal your issues and to help your partner is the route to a fabulous relationship and great happiness.

In writing this book, I appreciate that it will be read by women with a wide range of experiences; of all ages, who are both single and in longer-term relationships. I have therefore tried to speak to the specific issues you might meet in your various relationships, but also highlight the common threads of understanding that are true for all successful relationships. It is always dangerous to generalise, so please adapt what I say to your individual circumstances and relationship experiences.

Most relationships evolve with time through a number of natural stages. I will be describing these and showing you how the earlier stages contain within them a number of traps that can easily derail a relationship. Having described some of the pitfalls of a typical relationship, I will then show you how to navigate through the various stages, so you can build a successful partnership.
Ultimately, this book is about achieving equality in a relationship – an equality that allows two people to connect and communicate in a wholehearted way, with complete honesty on both sides. This happens when we heal our personal fears and insecurities and stop playing them out in our relationships. The key to a successful relationship is understanding, and through this comes healing. Let me help you to understand men and transform your relationship so you can experience the most wondrous part of being human – true and lasting love.

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Price: £7.99 (approx 13 US $)

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The Chapters...

1. Love, But Not As We Know It
Turning everything you know about love on it’s head

2. Big Boys Do Cry
Men and their emotions

3. Hopelessly Dependent On You
The origins of fear, needs and low self-esteem

4. Naughty Little Boy
The feelings that men hate to experience

5. Your Hero
Why a man has a need for control

6. Where Did The Love Go?
How a fear of emotions will eventually destroy a relationship

7. Caught In A Trap
Why the relationship with our opposite sex parent is so important

8. The Wise Women Speak
Communicating about the things that matter in a relationship

9. Bringing Back The Love
How to become the leader in your relationship

10. Making Love
How to have the best sex of your life

11. Love On A Higher Plane
Bringing spirituality to your relationship

12. Everlasting Love
How to create the relationship of your dreams

If you wish to purchase the ebook please
click the Buy Now button

Price: £7.99 (approx 13 US $)

Please note: You do not need to have a Pay Pal account
- they accept credit card payments

You will need Acrobat Reader to read the ebook which can be downloaded for free
click here to download it from the Adobe website