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Cheating, infidelity and affairs
...helping you find true love and happiness through your relationships




"An affair is a very well disguised cry for help - a call for love"

Peter Granger - Understanding Love & Relationships






Cheating & Affairs

Your partner is cheating or having an affair, or you suspect they are having an affair.

You fear that your partner could be unfaithful. (Also see 'Lack of Trust')

Your partner has come back after an affair and you want to rebuild your relationship.

There is perhaps nothing more painful than the feelings of betrayal and hurt when a partner cheats or is unfaithful. However to work through your pain and to have a chance of rebuilding your relationship (if this is possible), you will need to understand why your partner chose to look outside the relationship for love.

On the surface they would have assumed that some need that they had was not being met by you or the relationship, but this is not the most fundamental problem. Your partner has low self-esteem (despite their apparent confidence) and they need somebody else to make them feel complete.

You would have fulfilled this need for them at the start of your relationship but with time the dynamics between a couple change (see Stages of a Relationship). At some point your partner disconnected from you and then lost faith in your ability to make them feel loved.


Here are three ways to move forward in a healing direction if you partner has had an affair and you would like to rebuild your relationship.

1. First appreciate that there is nothing wrong with you. Your partner's affair is coming from their insecurity. They are looking for love because they have lost their ability to feel self-love. The have also forgotten how much they love you.

2. Talk sensitively with your partner about how you feel about what they have done, without blaming them. Seek to understand why they had the affair - what was missing for them - what were they feeling? How does this relate to their insecurities - negative self-beliefs that they have probably had most of their lives?

3. Do your best to forgive your partner and offer them your love and understanding. If you can open your heart compassionately, your partner's heart will also open and you will rebond in love. This is a courageous act of leadership, but it will work if you can set aside your hurt.

If your relationship has ended, and there is no chance of reconciliation, have a look at the article about Letting Go


Need more help with Cheating, Betrayal and Affairs...?
The subject is covered in detail in my book

My book Bringing Back The Love will help you understand the causes of affairs, how to recover from them and how to use them as the springboard to increased happiness.


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