Children's Behaviour

Possible Issues

- Your children's poor behaviour is damaging your relationship

- The behaviour of your partner's children or your children from a previous relationship, is a cause of distress and anxiety

- Your children are suffering emotionally due to relationship or marital problems.

The Cause

Our children are our greatest gifts but they can also cause us the greatest anxiety and frustration. It is tempting to see behaviour problems as a natural consequence of growing up but this allows the underlying emotional issues to go unchecked.

Children behave badly because they are unhappy and are trying to communicate that to us. All bad behaviour can be seen as a call for love. Children will play out the very emotional issues that we have been unwilling or unable to deal with in our own lives, because we tend to pass them down through the generations.

It is a sad fact of modern life that many children have experienced failed relationships and they can suffer terribly. Invariably children blame themselves for their parents problems and hide away huge amounts of guilt - it is this that gets expressed, normally disguised as bad behaviour. When new relationships form, the guilt and fear that has been inherited from a previous relationship will need healing before successful bonding can take place.

The Way Through

Seeing all bad behaviour as a call for love will help you to show compassion and understanding for your children's bad behaviour. Realise that they are in emotional pain but are unable to express it maturely. Avoid anger and resentment as this just stokes up the guilt in your children. Instead recognise that they are expressing the same insecurities that you also have, but have hidden deeper in your mind. Together you can work with your partner and children to allow them to communicate their feelings and heal their pain and your own pain.

In new relationships, be prepared for competition and anger between the children of previous relationships. Each child will be fighting for the love that they believe is in short supply. Pour love onto them at every opportunity and when they are ready, discuss what happened to your previous relationship, avoiding any blame or recrimination. Such understanding will help them when they try to form their own relationships and reduce the chance that they will suffer the same problems that you have.

Legal Notice - Medical Advice

All advice in this website is given in good faith and no responsibility can be accepted by the website owners for issues or problems that occur as a consequence of using the website content. If you have any concerns about your psychological health you are advised to contact a doctor other suitably qualified medical/psychiatric practioner.

© P.J.Granger 2007

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