Possible Issues

- You feel very dependent on your partner to bring you happiness and allow you to lead a successful life

- Your partner is very dependent on you

- You are doing everything possible to make your partner happy but sometimes feel in sacrifice to them

The Cause

All of us have a level of dependence on other people because we have needs - it is part of being human. These needs can however become so intense that instead of relying on our own resources we look outwards to the people in our life, particularly our partners, to give us meaning and a sense of support. Without them we feel we will not survive or be able to lead a happy life.

Somebody who is dependent will act in a needy manner which is very unattractive. Dependence can be seen as a selfish personality style because it refuses to accept responsibility for delivering its own happiness.

Dependence is borne out of broken bonding, usually in our original families, where we gave up on our capacity for self love. This simple mistake, made during times of heartbreak and trauma, accounts for the majority of emotional problems in our lives.

The Way Through

Letting go of your dependence is a fundamental step in your personal development and ability to discover happiness. First you (or with your help, your partner) will need to recognise the dependence, understand where it might have originated in your earlier life and then work to reverse the mistaken assumptions that caused you to have such a strong need for emotional support.

This is best done together with your partner by talking about the feelings surrounding the neediness and dependence. In any relationship difficulty you will find that both parties have similar underlying issues, but these will often be played out in quite different ways. Try to go beyond simply thinking about your life and describe your feelings from the heart - at this level you will find that you and your partner have the same fears and insecurities. By bringing these into the open you will immediately start the healing process and you will move closer to your partner.

For more information on Dependence, which is an important evolutionary phase in our psychological development, have a look at our relationship model.

Legal Notice - Medical Advice

All advice in this website is given in good faith and no responsibility can be accepted by the website owners for issues or problems that occur as a consequence of using the website content. If you have any concerns about your psychological health you are advised to contact a doctor other suitably qualified medical/psychiatric practioner.

© P.J.Granger 2007

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