Fading Love

Possible Issues

- When you started your relationship you had powerful feelings of love towards your partner, but these have now faded.

-You have become bored with the relationship and wonder whether it will last.

You suspect that this is the fate of all relationships.

The Cause

When we fall in love with somebody we enter what has been called the honeymoon phase. During this time we hide our insecurities, as does our partner and it can feel as if we have found everlasting love. Unbeknown to either partner, we have entered into the relationship to try and replace our unmet needs - we believe we have found somebody who can fill the places where we feel empty or inadequate. This makes us feel whole, as if we are walking on air. It is a feeling worth remembering because it shows the true potential of the relationship.

Unfortunately these feelings often begin to fade as we become more familiar with our partner and become disappointed to discover that they have similar insecurities to us. When this happens both partners tend to fight or withdraw and the sense of togetherness and love rapidly evaporates.

The Way Through

The key with this issue is to realise that those wonderful feelings of love at the start of the relationship can be re-discovered. Love need not fade during a relationship - no matter how long it lasts. The trick is to work together with your partner on your shared insecurities that surface as the honeymoon phase ends. You will need to be honest with your partner about how you feel about the relationship, especially the bad stuff. If this is communicated sensitively and with love, your partner will open up and tell you about their own feelings. As you discover that they are very similar, you will naturally re-bond and be ready for another honeymoon phase. This cycle will tend to repeat itself, but each time you rejoin, the feelings of love will grow ever stronger.

To better understand how feelings of love can change in a relationship have a look at the pages on The Stages of a Relationship and our relationship model.

Legal Notice - Medical Advice

All advice in this website is given in good faith and no responsibility can be accepted by the website owners for issues or problems that occur as a consequence of using the website content. If you have any concerns about your psychological health you are advised to contact a doctor other suitably qualified medical/psychiatric practioner.

© P.J.Granger 2007

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