Infidelity and Affairs

Possible Issues

- Your partner is having an affair or you suspect they are having an affair

- You are having an affair or are think of starting one

- You fear that your partner could be unfaithful

The Cause

Infidelity and affairs cause more pain than virtually any aspect of our relationships. Any loss of trust from the most intimate aspects of our relationships can lead to a sense of betrayal and rejection.

Partners stray because they are looking for the love and excitement that they believe is lacking in their current relationship. These critical aspects fade when two people withdraw from each other as a way of protecting themselves from hidden emotional pain. What probably started as a passionate, loving relationship loses its vitality because the partners are no longer relating in a way that is honest and heartfelt.

When this emotional withdrawal occurs people believe that the love and passion can never be retrieved and begin looking to other people to replace these powerful sensations. A triangle relationship is set up in which all parties eventually lose because of the huge amount of guilt and hurt that is present. An affair, no matter how exciting, will rarely lead to long term happiness.

Click for more information on Guilt and Triangle Relationships

The Way Through

If you are suffering the effects of a partner's affair, it is an indication that your relationship lacks a sense of connection. We all look to our partners for love and affection but this must have become lost as your relationship developed. It is often said that the person betrayed in a relationship was the first to leave! Be honest with yourself - did you begin to withdraw from your partner? Have you done everything to love and support them through their problems. This is not about blame, just a recognition that it always takes two to have a problem in a relationship.

Your relationship can still be retrieved if you can avoid judging your partner and realise that they must have been feeling unloved and unappreciated for them to leave in the first place. Forgive yourself for losing a sense of loving connection and forgive them for their infidelity and do your best to join with them. If they are with somebody else you can still do this by feeling compassion and forgiveness in their absence. Affairs are often a cry for love and if you can find the courage to forgive and re-join, then your relationship can not only be saved but can be renewed.

Of course there are times when your relationship may have ended through an affair and then you will need to go through a process of letting go before you can move on and successfully bring a new partner into your life. This letting go also involves self-forgiveness and forgiveness for your partner.

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