Possible Issues

- You feel that your partner is not fully committed to the relationship.

- You feel that your partner might let you down in the future.

- You feel that you would be trapped in a relationship if you commit.

- You are finding it difficult to commit yourself and wonder if you are with your true partner.

The Causes

Lack of commitment is an indicator that we fear that we will suffer hurt and loss in the future, which reminds us of similar feelings in the past. We fear that we will lose something we feel is vital to our happiness such as freedom, autonomy or sex. We may feel trapped in the relationship, with feelings of claustrophobia and lack of control.

Deep down, our fear of commitment comes from a feeling that we are not good enough and that nobody, including us, deserves or can achieve continuous loving attention. We do not really have faith in the power of love to solve problems and maintain our relationship through the inevitable ups and downs.

The Way Through

Perversely the solution to a lack of commitment is to commit! As you do so, your doubt will disappear and you will reveal the truth of the relationship. It will either move to a higher level of partnership or it will become clear that the relationship has naturally and mutually run its course. With commitment a relationship becomes more intense, making up for the perceived loss of breadth and choice that stopped you committing.

A fear of commitment indicates that you do not believe that the sort of love you felt when you first met your partner can last forever. Unfortunately if you have such a belief, this is what you will tend to experience in your life. The opposite is also true, and your belief in your partner and the potential of your love together will make it a reality.

True commitment in a relationship is the willingness to work on each and every issue with our partner that creates separation and emotional distance. It can only happen if we have the courage to share our negative feelings and fears with our partner and agree to work together to let them go.

Legal Notice - Medical Advice

All advice in this website is given in good faith and no responsibility can be accepted by the website owners for issues or problems that occur as a consequence of using the website content. If you have any concerns about your psychological health you are advised to contact a doctor other suitably qualified medical/psychiatric practioner.

© P.J.Granger 2007

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