Low Self-Esteem

Possible Issues

- You and/or your partner have low self-esteem

- You readily accept blame and apologise even if you have done nothing wrong

- You can feel guilty when others are unhappy or you fail to meet their expectations

The Cause

A sense of low self-esteem usually originates when we are very young. It comes out of problems with bonding in our original family or our inability to help the people around us who may be having problems. Perhaps they were ill, or suffering their own emotional problems, making it hard for them to express their love fully. As young children we do not have the experience or maturity to understand family dynamics and problems, and can therefore make profound decisions about our self-worth.

If we feel we have failed the people around us, most critically our parents, then we are likely to blame ourselves and feel inadequate in life and relationships. In this way, our self-esteem is actually a measure of the extent to which we feel worthy to be loved. The decision to assume that we are inadequate and unlovable is always a mistake. Because it is a mistaken choice we can now make new choices.

The Way Through

The first thing to realise about self-esteem is that virtually everybody has suffered in some way with this issue - it is part of being human. Building self-esteem is the key to happiness and fulfilment in life.

To do this you will need to become aware and understand what was happening in your family for you to make mistaken decisions about your self-worth. Appreciate that you were loved more than you could imagine and any lack of expressed love would have happended because the people close to you were struggling with their own emotional issues. As you forgive them and yourself for the mistake in perception you will feel your self-worth growing.

As you build self-esteem your guilt will also fade away and this will allow you to form stronger and more fulfilling relationships.

Legal Notice - Medical Advice

All advice in this website is given in good faith and no responsibility can be accepted by the website owners for issues or problems that occur as a consequence of using the website content. If you have any concerns about your psychological health you are advised to contact a doctor other suitably qualified medical/psychiatric practioner.

© P.J.Granger 2007

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