Possible Causes

- Your partner can be very needy, with a feeling that they are clinging to you or are dependent on you for their happiness

- You can feel needy yourself within the relationship and worry that you would not be able to find happiness without your partner. You feel lost and empty when they are not around

- You worry that your partner could not cope without you

The Cause

Most of us do not like the idea of being seen as needy. However, the truth is that virtually everybody has a level of neediness, which is often cleverly hidden by our personalities. Understanding our own emotional needs is the best way to improve our relationships and to have a more contented and fulfilled life.

Everybody enters life with a wide range of needs - physical, emotional and spiritual. The extent to which we sense that they have been met determines our level of self-esteem and positive experiences in life. Central to all these emotional needs is a need for love.

If, for whatever reason, we sense that love and our other emotional needs like support, trust, safety, acceptance (and many more) have been lacking in our early life, we will spend the rest of our lives trying to find them. Unfortunately this can become very damaging because we will inadvertently choose negative ways of searching. Unchecked neediness will eventually drive our partner away and rob us of happiness.

The Way Through

Given that having needs is a normal part of being human, you need not feel afraid of expressing them providing that you do not impose them negatively on others. The key to all emotional healing is to learn to deal with our sense of unmet needs. To do this, start by becoming aware of your key needs.

Ask yourself (without blame or recrimination) - what do you wish your parents or carers could have given you in terms of emotional needs or support as a child? What do you feel you are lacking emotionally or perhaps spiritually.

Your answer will show you which unmet need(s) have been holding you back in your relationships and in your life. Notice how you are attracted to people who display these qualities - perhaps your partner has some of them.

The biggest suprise of all is that those very needs you felt were lacking in your upbringing are gifts and talents that you have always had but hid away! You hid them because you became scared of their power at some earlier stage in your life. Now is the time to reveal those gifts - it is the key to your emotional development and a happier life. Do this by working on the fears that have stopped you revealing the 'real you' and your gifts.

Needs is a key stage in our Relationship Model - becoming aware of these needs, understnading how they effect our relationships and letting them go is the key to successful relationships and happiness.

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