Possible Issues

- You or your partner have still not let go of somebody important from your past and this is preventing you from fully committing in your current relationship .

- Your partner's failure to let go makes you feel second best - they are not fully available for you.

The Cause

Letting go of people and situations from the past is harder than we appreciate. Whenever there is unfinished business from the past we will tend to re-live it in the present and worry about it recurring in the future. Some people call this 'baggage', and it can ruin relationships. We will know that we are holding onto somebody from the past if there is something significant missing in our lives. The holding-on to a quality that we believe we have lost, stops us having it in the present. Letting go is therefore and essential requirement if we are to move our lives on successfully.

We can hold onto old partners in a sentimental way, longing to feel the best bits of a relationship again and conveniently ignoring the bad times. This can become a fantasy that we can never live up to in a new relationship. Although sadness and longing are the more obvious indications that we have not let go of somebody, anger and resentment felt towards an ex-lover also show that we have not forgiven them for the way they treated us. Both hold us back in new relationships.

Often, an inability to ' let go' is a replay of an earlier experience where we have failed to adequately let go of a parent or other special person in our lives.

The Way Through

If you or your partner are struggling to let go of someone from your past then it shows that your relationship did not reach completion - you are holding some guilt for your part in the split or grievance against your ex-partner for their failings. The way through is to realise that you failed to meet each other's needs for love and therefore both of you are feeling guilt and disappointment - you are holding on because you feel there must have been something you or they could have done to maintain the relationship.

To let go you must forgive yourself and your ex-partner for the loss of the relationship - realise that you would have both been doing your best in the circumstances. Accept that this chapter has come to the end in your life and wish them well on their new journey - you will know you have let them go when all you feel for them is loving friendship. Yes, this is difficult, but it is the only way to move on.

In those cases where it is right for you to be together again with a partner, the letting-go process is still relevant. By letting go of your attachment to the person, if your relationship is true, then they will return.

Legal Notice - Medical Advice

All advice in this website is given in good faith and no responsibility can be accepted by the website owners for issues or problems that occur as a consequence of using the website content. If you have any concerns about your psychological health you are advised to contact a doctor other suitably qualified medical/psychiatric practioner.

© P.J.Granger 2007

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