Understanding Love . Blog . Books . Articles . Counselling . Workshops . Contact Us . Useful Websites . Privacy

Can't find what you are looking for? Try the site search


Legal Notice - Medical Advice
All advice in this website is given in good faith and no responsibility can be accepted by the website owners for issues or problems that occur as a consequence of using the website content. If you have any concerns about your psychological health you are advised to contact a doctor or other suitably qualified medical/psychiatric practioner.

© P.J.Granger 2012






Newly launched app that connects you heart-to-heart with your loved ones

Be one of the first to experience this amazing Android app
(more information)

link takes you to our
new website heartbond.co.uk

Android is a trademark
of Google LLC





obsessive behaviour, perfectionism

...helping you find true love and happiness through your relationships




"The closest to perfection a person ever comes is when he fills out a job application form."

  Stanley J. Randall






Perfectionism & Obsessive Behaviour

You or your partner are perfectionists.

You or your partner think that if you want a job done properly, then you might as well do it yourself.

You cannot stand sloppiness, or a lack of care in others.

You have an obsession and preoccupation with certain aspects of life.

If you or your partner need things to be perfect, this is a sign of unhealed insecurities from childhood. You will be trying to make things perfect to make up for times in the past when things went wrong for you or your family. The trouble is that you are unlikely to ever achieve perfection, and if you do get close, you will never feel the reward because even the slightest imperfection will devastate you.

Of course there is nothing wrong with high standards provided that you can feel good about them when you succeed, and they do not impact negatively on others. Perfectionism is often an obsession that isolates us from our loved ones because they feel they can never live up to our standards.

Other obsessive behaviours can also be related back to the need to avoid the pain of failure - something that comes from a past difficult memory - usually in childhood.


Here are three ways to help with perfectionism:.

1. Accept that you are perfect (or encourage your partner to believe this) just the way you are. The problem is that you have slipped away from this belief. Work on your self-esteem or help your partner do the same, as this will help you appreciate yourself more.

2. Look at any tendency to control people and situations as this is often associated with perfectionsim and obsessional behaviours. Go to the Lovecoach section on control for help with this

3. Recognise that ultimately it is only your relationships and the quality of love that is given and received that matters in life. if you want to perfect something, make it your relationships. If you can do this you will become much happines and your desire to make material things perfect will fall away.

If the perfectionism has reached obsessional levels you will need to seek professional counselling help to find out the root causes of the problem.



The need to be prefect or make things perfect comes out of the independent psychological stage. My book (see below) describes independence in detail and shows you how to escape it (or help your partner to escape it).

Need More Help?....






Please feel free to share this page with anybody you know,
who might find it useful











with friends

free online relationship coaching