Perfectionism and Obsession

Possible Issues

- You or your partner are perfectionists

- You or your partner think that if you want a job done properly then you might as well do it yourself

- You cannot stand sloppiness or lack of care in others

- You have an obsession and preoccupation with certain aspects of life

The Cause

Wanting things to be perfect is a sign of unhealed insecurities from childhood. We try to make things perfect to make up for times in the past when things went wrong for us or our families. The trouble is that we are unlikely to ever achieve perfection and if we do get close, we can never feel the reward because even the slightest imperfection will devastate us.

Of course there is nothing wrong with high standards provided that we can feel good about them when we succeed and they do not impact negatively on others. Perfectionism is often an obsession that isolates us from our loved ones because they feel they can never live up to our standards.

The Way Through

The way to heal perfectionism is to forgive yourself or your partner for needing to be so perfect. What is it that you or they hope to achieve by being perfect - what feelings is it hiding underneath? Who are you trying to impress by this? Try to gain awareness around the pain of disappointment from the past. What would it feel like to be less than perfect or hear people's criticism? Are you trying to achieve perfection to please somebody in your life?

As you or your partner realise that the perfectionism or obsession is a distraction from dealing with deeper issues, usually a fear of failure and inadequacy, then those insecurities will naturally rise to the surface for healing. This is best done in a trusting and open partnership.

Legal Notice - Medical Advice

All advice in this website is given in good faith and no responsibility can be accepted by the website owners for issues or problems that occur as a consequence of using the website content. If you have any concerns about your psychological health you are advised to contact a doctor other suitably qualified medical/psychiatric practioner.

© P.J.Granger 2007

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