Separation and Divorce

Possible Issues

- You have split up, separated from or divorced your partner

- You are struggling to come to terms with the end of a significant relationship

- You are not sure if you will ever be able to rebuild your life or survive on your own

The Cause

Separation and divorce have become major characteristics of our society and they leave a trail of sadness and trauma. They are a sign of how hard it is to sustain feelings of love through a partnership that last a lifetime.

Some relationships run their natural course but all too many fail due to a lack of emotional understanding and awareness. This happens when two people are unable deal with their emotional insecurities and hidden fears. In trying to have their needs met by the other person, arguments, rows, misunderstandings and withdrawal destroy any chance of healing and the building of a true partnership.

The pain of the relationship grows to the point where one or both parties decide to end the relationship and try to find a new life. Unfortunately this often leaves our emotional issues unhealed and we repeat the mistakes in future relationships. Everybody can be hurt emotionally in separation and divorce.

The Way Through

In any separation or divorce it is critical to accept that both parties are equally responsible for the situation. It may be that one person did the 'leaving' but the other partner had effectively left the relationship earlier. This shared responsibility is the key to coping and growing from the pain and heartbreak of divorce.

Couples can get back together if they both work together on the issues that have caused the crisis. This requires great honesty and courage to unearth the insecurities and fears that have destroyed the intimacy. Once started the process of communication will allow partners to rediscover their love for each other.

Some relationships may never get back together and in these cases it is important to learn why the relationship failed. Again this involves personal honesty and forgiveness of yourself and your partner for failing. If you have children, remember that they will almost always blame themselves for the failure of the relationship. Accept this and pour you love onto them. Encourage your partner to do the same. Work to let go and become friends with your partner as this is what will allow you and your children to move on and find renewed happiness. The greatest gift you can ever give you children is your own happiness, even if the family has split up.

Legal Notice - Medical Advice

All advice in this website is given in good faith and no responsibility can be accepted by the website owners for issues or problems that occur as a consequence of using the website content. If you have any concerns about your psychological health you are advised to contact a doctor other suitably qualified medical/psychiatric practioner.

© P.J.Granger 2007

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