Possible Issues

- Your sex life is unsatisfying.

- You or your partner are bored or uninterested in sex.

- Sex causes you or your partner to feel guilt and withdraw emotionally from each other.

- Sex has become a physical release or source of gratification, rather than a loving act.

The Cause

Sex is the most intimate activity that we engage in with another person. It brings us close to them physically as well as emotionally and this tends to trigger our hidden insecurities and fears.

Sexual problems usually arise because the intimacy makes us afraid that our partner will see the negative aspects of our personality - any lack of self-esteem or suppressed guilt may be revealed in our close sexual encounters, so we subconsciously avoid them. Additionally there may be complex family dynamics around oedipal issues and our sense of sexuality.

If sex is triggering any of our hidden insecurities and anxieties, our natural tendency will be to move away from our partner and avoid any further sexual activity. We may engage in sex for short-term gratification but it will lose its capacity as a celebration of love.

The Way Through

Sex can be the most wonderful experience of a relationship, but this level of satisfaction can only be maintained if it is an integral part of a loving partnership. Sex may be very good at the beginning of a relationship but its attraction will fade if potentially damaging emotional issues are not dealt with. Sex alone is not enough to maintain a good relationship.

Sexual intimacy can be enhanced by working on our fears around emotional intimacy. How well do you really know your partner, particularly their feelings about themselves, the relationship and sex? How much are you aware of your own feelings? We don't always reveal this information for fear that our partner will reject us. Sometimes we fail to express our feelings because we have suppressed our more painful emotions to protect ourselves.

Honest communication about emotions, fears and insecurities, allied to loving and compassionate support is what brings two people together and allows for healing to occur. Such heartfelt communication is in fact a great aphrodisiac and will make for great sex. The better you know your partner and the more you trust each other, the better the sex. Eventually the sexual bond may bring together a level of physical, emotional and spiritual (also known as Tantric) connection that takes it to extraordinary heights.

And yes... it will keep getting better and better as part of a healing relationship...

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