Shy and Self Conscious

Possible Issues

- You often feel shy, particularly with strangers

- You can feel self-conscious - at times you wish the earth would just swallow you up!

- You have never felt completely comfortable in your own skin

The Cause

Feeling shy or self- consciousness can be a painful experience. It is often triggered by meeting strangers in social settings, and can have a damaging impact on dating.

Shyness originates from our concept of 'self' - what we think about our self and what we believe other people will think of us. If we have a low sense of self-worth we will assume that people will not want to be in our company and will reject us. Our reaction is to hide away and avoid the social contact that might trigger our fear of rejection. We will be terrified that we might say the wrong thing or simply dry up with nothing to say. Ironically this type of behaviour makes people uncomfortable and causes them to withdraw from us.

Self-consciousness is a feeling that everybody is looking at us and is often associated with shyness. We become terribly conscious of our bodies. It can arise in situations where we have experienced an embarrassment or been ridiculed for our physical features in early life. Self-consciousness comes from a desire to be seen as special, as a way of gaining attention and ultimately love.

The Way Through

To overcome shyness and self-consciousness, ask yourself how much you like yourself? If you don't like yourself, it is not surprising that you might fear that others will not like you! The key to healing these issues is therefore to build your sense of self-worth.

To do this, think back to any experiences in your life when you might have made negative decisions about yourself or your body and looks. Have you ever felt that you let your parents down or perhaps your siblings?. Such a sense of failure is always a mistake and one that you can now remedy by realising that you have always done your best in your own particular cicrumstances. Try to unearth these early experiences and decisions and bring understanding and acceptance to them, so that you can let them go.

Shyness and self-consciousness usually hide a high level of sensitivity and people skills - have you ever secretly wanted to be more outgoing, more of a performer, more of a leader? If so, that is probably your true personality and everybody is waiting for you to reveal it!

Legal Notice - Medical Advice

All advice in this website is given in good faith and no responsibility can be accepted by the website owners for issues or problems that occur as a consequence of using the website content. If you have any concerns about your psychological health you are advised to contact a doctor other suitably qualified medical/psychiatric practioner.

© P.J.Granger 2007

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