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All advice in this website is given in good faith and no responsibility can be accepted by the website owners for issues or problems that occur as a consequence of using the website content. If you have any concerns about your psychological health you are advised to contact a doctor or other suitably qualified medical/psychiatric practioner.
© P.J.Granger 2012
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No Relationship - Very Independent |
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You relish your independence and freedom and don't really want to give this up for the sake of a relationship.
Your independence has delivered you success in life, but it has not given you a good and lasting relationship. |
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A strong desire for independence is perhaps the biggest barrier to finding a partner and sustaining a relationship. While independence is a positive step to make in life, and can give you considerable success and material rewards, it usually damages your opportunity for good relationships. When you become independent, usually in late childhood, you make a subconscious decision to suppress the negative feelings that you have experienced during your period of dependency on others. Unfortunately your avoidance of the painful dependent emotions also subdues your positive emotions. Closing down your heart, and the emotional dissociation that this causes, leads to withdrawal and separation from people. In the sphere of dating this means you are unwilling to let down your guard and become emotionally available to a potential partner.
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Here are three things you could do to let go of your independence and find a partner: 1. Realise that while being independent will bring you some benefits, it will not bring you relationship happiness. To be in a relationship you must give and receive love and you cannot do this if your heart is defended - as it will have to be to maintain your independence. 2. To be independent is not natural - your independence is a defence to stop you getting hurt. It is time to start taking some emotional risks. It is through navigating the ups and downs that happen in all relationships that you will grow and find more love. 3. Your natural state is interdependence - a state of self-love and connection. As soon as you embrace this about yourself, a partner will appear in your life because you will have become more authentic and this will make you more open and more attractive to a potential partner. |
If you want some more help with this issue, my book Lovecoach will show you why you might have become independent and how to move through it to a true state of relationship.
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