Possible Issues

- You relish your independence and freedom and don't really want to give this up for the sake of a relationship.

- Your independence has delivered you success in life but it has not given you a good and lasting relationship

- You only seem to meet independent people who have a problem with commitment

The Cause

A strong desire for independence is perhaps the biggest barrier to finding a partner and sustaining a relationship. While independence is a positive step to make in life and can give us considerable success and material rewards it usually damages our opportunity for good relationships.

When we become independent, usually in late childhood, we make a subconscious decision to suppress the negative feelings that we have experienced during our period of dependency on others. Unfortunately our avoidance of the painful dependent emotions also subdues our positive emotions, closing down our heart - this emotional dissociation leads to withdrawal and separation from people. In the sphere of dating this means we become unwilling to let our guard down and are unavailable to a potential partner.

Unfortunately independent people are attracted to other independent people and this makes it even harder for them to connect wholeheartedly - what usually happens is that both partners lead an increasingly independent life with the odd moments of connection. There is then a high risk of one or both partners straying to find the increased love and connection that they unconsciously crave.

The Way Through

Learning to recognise your independent desires and behaviours and healing them is the key to building better, interdependent relationships. To achieve this begin to open your heart and feel your emotions more fully, both the negative and the positive emotions. Reconnect with the people around you. As you do this you will invite potential partners into your life and send out subliminal messages that you are ready to form a partnership.

Ending your independence is not always easy as you may have relied on it for a long time and found it very useful, but doing so will transform your dating and relationship experiences. Feel your emotions more fully, both the negative and the positive emotions. Reconnect with the people around you. As you do this you will invite potential partners into your life and send out subliminal messages that you are ready to form a partnership.

Ending your independence is not always easy as you may have relied on it for a long time and found it very useful, but doing so will transform your dating and relationship experiences.

Legal Notice - Medical Advice

All advice in this website is given in good faith and no responsibility can be accepted by the website owners for issues or problems that occur as a consequence of using the website content. If you have any concerns about your psychological health you are advised to contact a doctor other suitably qualified medical/psychiatric practioner.

© P.J.Granger 2007

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