Withdrawal in a Relationship

Possible Issues

- Your partner withdraws from you when things become difficult in the relationship. They move away and stop communicating with you.

- When your partner withdraws, you feel a sense of rejection and hurt. It feels like the relationship is over.

- You are tempted to withdraw from your partner when you are upset, for your own emotional protection and perhaps to make them realise that you are displeased with them.

The Cause

Withdrawal is an indication that the level of negative emotions has grown too much or is about to grow too much to handle. We or our partner withdraw to what is seen as the relative safety of our independence - on our own we feel we can no longer be hurt. The situation we have found ourselves in has probably triggered old subconscious memories of hurt or trauma and the temptation is to run away so that we do not have to feel the pain again. Unfortunately withdrawal always hurts both partners because it destroys communication and raises the level of fear. It is the opposite of being connected or bonded with our partner. Using withdrawal as a weapon to punish a partner is counterproductive because we stoke up our own guilt, which makes re-joining even harder.

The Way Through

The trick with handling withdrawal in your partner or any temptation to withdraw yourself, is to recognise that it is a response to a fear that we will not be able to handle the emotions that might surface in a difficult situation. At a deeper level of the mind, whatever you are feeling in this situation will be exactly what your partner is also feeling. Knowing that both of you are feeling frightened will encourage you to move towards your partner with love and compassion, even if their behaviour is negative. Simply changing your understanding and approach to difficult relationship situations will transform them. As you resist the temptation to withdraw and choose to communicate instead, you can both share and begin to heal the painful feelings that are surfacing.

Legal Notice - Medical Advice

All advice in this website is given in good faith and no responsibility can be accepted by the website owners for issues or problems that occur as a consequence of using the website content. If you have any concerns about your psychological health you are advised to contact a doctor other suitably qualified medical/psychiatric practioner.

© P.J.Granger 2007

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